I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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