My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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