these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We left an ass print on the piano.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
