it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
