party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
