how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
