I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize