So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
love makes seman taste better
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
