It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
