My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
