No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
