Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
