My room smells like vodka and shame
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
