There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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