WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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