My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
