is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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