they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
