that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
