Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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