Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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