i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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