Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
