"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
