There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
