maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize