Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
