I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
