i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
