you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
