So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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