"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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