Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
