So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
