The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
