with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
