woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
