how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
