Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
