so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
