So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
