just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
