How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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