still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
