Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
