Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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