Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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