Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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