she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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