why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
