I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
