Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
