At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize