Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
