sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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