im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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