The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Found your dick twin last night
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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