Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
