I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ladies don't puke and tell
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
