he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
