clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
