Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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