I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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