I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
