Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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