There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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