ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
