I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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