now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just found puke in my bra..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We talked him into tasing himself.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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