Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
