The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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