Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
