woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
