There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
