It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
