He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hippo gnu deer
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize