I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
