Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
