But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
