Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
