i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize