Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
