Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
