There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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