Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
