He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
