Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize