and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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